flight of the turkey hat

Mental agreements, These Days

I went out for a walk at lunch today. They are doing some construction work around the library so I wound up walking around it/quazi through it. I had thoughts about who and what I am. I came up with a mid career professional approaching burn out struggling to loose 10 pounds before having to be on a panel at a national conference in my field, while struggling to pay bills. It seems like a cliche. Whats not a cliche is that I was going through a box of stuff from an old general store and found three movie posters from the early 1960s Lyric Theater. I had never seen a real movie poster from the 60s before. It was half way hand painted and a print. High school confidential, Bombers 55 with Natalie wood. The tag line was great. I will post a pic tomorrow.

Later in the day I decided to scan some post cards from 1907 and 1908. They were very smutty, suggestive, salacious even. One of my patrons sons is the seinor conservetor at like the national galory or national archives. She is very sophisticated and glamourous even in mid 70s. We spent some time looking at this particualr post card collection and had a discussion about them. They are so suggestive, like before the moral police got after post cards and there was more freedom. One thing Frances pointed out was that they surely had mental agreements with each other. I love mental agreements. Life, love, friendships, partnerships, understandings, all happen under mental agreements that we sometimes do not even know we are making. I like to be aware of them and I think conflict in interpersonal relationships happen when there is a breech of the mental agreement or lack of one.

These post cards are so great. Imagine the fun they could have with them in 1900, the freedom of hidden messages. All they had to do was get to the mail before your parents. These cards would have been to someone in new market. I can imagine a box at the end of a long dirt lane. ITs so in keeping with with waiting for the mail and the excitment it can bring when you have something to look forward to in it other than bad news and bills. I have a pen pal. We write almost every other day or so. I will look at all the mail and shove it back in. William, Ryan's nephew likes to order from amazon and as he rarley leaves the property enjoys waiting and watching for the mail.

I wrote Ryan a letter and formally invited him to drive a little over an hour with me to see a covered bridge in the morning. I hope we wake up and actually do it. I used to enjoy me and Mikes sat morning drives. Those were fun times. I feel like I need to find myself again before being beaten down by years of change and financial ruin. Do you ever ask yourself how you keep managing it. I even thought about the silent contemplation of live journal. I miss it. I think the voyer in my misses public posts. I was focrced to lock things down and in doing so somehow lost it, what ever it is. I had it and it is slipping and I want it back. I want my edge back.

As I walked along the road today I decided to take it all in and try to look around and remember something to write down, an observation about surroundings or thoughts or thoughts.

Mostly I just walked along and heard Nico playing in my mind.

Spring Green

(no subject)

Dearest Friends and Confidants,

I am going to have to make things friends only for a while for safety and security reasons. Please send me a friend request for the time being. I don't want to be out of communication with any of you, even if you read it privately because you enjoy my humor and creativity. Just get a free LJ. You don't have to really use it. This live journal continues to be my voice in a gagged world and I dont want to be without any of my beloved confidants.

I love you all,

Susanna
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