flight of the turkey hat

(no subject)

I was feeling a little lonely so I got out my pictures to review the past couple weeks. I took Lucas out for a truck ride Monday. We had fun and dine and ditched at two different locations. And I still am amazed at much difference it made in my life. I feel like it gave me a lot of confidence and william and I had some much needed fun, at least to even know we were still capable of having fun.






flight of the turkey hat

(no subject)

I stood up for myself at work today. It felt good. She snakily asked me if I had any thoughts about our last meeting and I told her that I hadn't been really able to get past how flippant and awful she was and I was just glad that I had not projectile vomited on her the whole terrible thing was taking place. Then I told her she could run and tell he and connie what I said but the next time I have a meeting where they want to dicipline me I was seeking representation becuSe I was done being abused. She stated her reasons and I told her in the future it was in bad taste to be so harsh with someone only there weeks life has blown up in their faces.
I didn't get the job in the records center. It went to Richard my former boss though it has not been made public yet. I still have the two retirement community jobs out and the possibility of red stone or uah. I asked an old black minister to pray for me. Maybe that will help. After I stood up for myself and we talked, she presented a plan to me about how we are going to proceed and I think it is a good plan. Which I told her. I would like to take it and implement it somewhere else! If I am forced to stay there I think I live with my new action plan.

Tutoring is going amazingly well! I think I am really making a difference in the persons life and we have been having really deep prolonged conversations. Tonight I worked with him for three hours and made about what I would make in a while day's work.
flight of the turkey hat

I'm going to Jackson

Well, today William and I travelled to Jackson, miss. for me to attend a workshop for a train the trainor workshop. I think it will be good. Intense maybe. I hope I am up for it. I will present on it at SALA since they paid for the room and everything. William road along withme. He didn't have anything going on so he will just sight see and stuff while I am in training which will be the majority of the time I guess. We got here a day early so we did a little walking around today. The diner pictured with william was featured in The Help movie.






flight of the turkey hat

Lamenting birth

I was tempted to lament my birth but then I ran across this poem that Ry Ry wrote to me and it made everything better. I've enjoyed a nice quiet day at home. Natalie came over and we did mud masks and we had a nice time just talking and laughing about nothing.

I can't believe my eyes
These tears are from happy cries
The woman I finally met Dangerous
curves in her silhouette
A love that defies
I feel the love when we reach out and touch
Heart caves in because I love her so much
She has me drenched beneath a spell
It will last forever as far as I can tell
No dirt could ever hurt or defile
No other person could instigate this smile
I hold her as if she'll vanish
letting go In case I lose the chance to see her face
I always let her know
She's precious and forever dear to my heart
I never want her to think less
no matter how minute we part
Be it a week long business trip
Or a quick run to the store
Each time I see her again warrants more
Reminders of my heart
How it's forever hers to hold
Wraps her in warmth if she's ever in the cold
My darling sweet love, precious angel upon earth
I pray and thank God everyday for your birth.
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flight of the turkey hat

(no subject)

Tracey took me out tonight for my birthday. I wound up getting there an hour early which was just enough time to check the sale rack at White House black market. I got myself a beautiful pair of heels. Tracey got me a goody bag full of of all sorts of neat goodies: quality colored pencils and a pride and prejudice coloring book that is almost to pretty to color in! And this beautiful custom made necklace with three knots for TCB! Our motto! Taking care of buisness! We talked over two hours and it was good.

flight of the turkey hat

(no subject)

Today we planted this tree in Ryan's honor. Someone he greatly admired gave it to us at the funueral. I'm glad I took off work and did something that felt significant. We had a peaceful day, went for a walk. Since I let Blake use the car to get to work, we were stuck with barely running vehicles, we rolled into subway in a car smoking car and paid in change, and it was fun.

Then in the evening brandy came and took us out to eat at my favorite resteraunt. We took a pic with Greyden.




Calm at work

Words to Myself

I have been going through old emails and messages looking for Ryan's poetry and I have run across some pretty awesome things that I said to him in the past before time and desperation lobotomized me. I was a healthy person once and hope I will be able to build back up to it and be stronger for all the horrors of the last ten years in particular because I am learning how to control my finances.

I wrote this back in 2014.

"Only you can decide what makes you sink or swim. This is all part of things we learn in life. You can't give other people the power to haunt you forever. Even if we have no self esteem god loves us and we take self worth from that. If I had to speak after becoming this upset I would have sucked it up and put my lipstick on and delivered that speech. It doesn't matter how fat I am, how thin I am, how alone I am, how rich or poor, god loves me and I will keep doing the best I can."


So at work today I had another meeting, now remember the last meeting I had they asked me if I was suicidal and was this going to affect my job performance. Mother fuckers called me in today and said, "We know you have a unique situation, but you're backsliding in your progress..." FUCK YOU BITCH!!!!!!!!!!! The love of my life just killed himself!!!!!!!! It took everything in me to hold back vomit, so instead I sat there and quietly thought about getting another job ASAP. HMCPL does not deserve my talent and unique abilities.
flight of the turkey hat

(no subject)

It has been a full day. Rys dad is in the hospital so i went with natalie and hung out before work.

I had the boy scouts in tge archives for a collections and hobbies badge.

Ive had a lot of communication with ryans brothers and family today. I gave one if his top hats to brabdon and his wife sayd he wears it when he plays video games.

Blake and william sent me fun goofy pics whilethey cleaned the house. I went and got my face waxed and i feel like i have a whole newface like my old one was ripped off by vietnese women who love inflicting pain for beauty and unwanted facial hair.

flight of the turkey hat

(no subject)

I made my first public appearance tonight at a facutly party for UAH history dept and there were lots of young couples there. I got upset and went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and asked God to let Ry Ry be with me tonight and the lights blinked immediately!It was so weird. Natalie went with me and we enjoyed the party. Dr. Waring invited me and I got ot meet the new head of archvies for UAH.

flight of the turkey hat

(no subject)

Ryan's friend reminded me today that Ryan would want me to focus on good memories so I went back to July 2014 when we took up residence together and started playing house. I wanted to pull this together for myself, to keep focus on the good. Maybe I will try to write a little on my library project.

Dancing to Solomon Burke
http://susangalique.livejournal.com/1132212.html

http://susangalique.livejournal.com/1125044.html

a perfect morning
http://susangalique.livejournal.com/1126116.html

DeJengo Unchained-Freedom
http://susangalique.livejournal.com/1126806.html

http://susangalique.livejournal.com/1126917.html

http://susangalique.livejournal.com/1132360.html