flight of the turkey hat

yesterday

SOmething good happened at work yesterday. The ececutive director brought a high maintencance someone over about a project. The manager was not there so I offered to help and it turns out they were there about a project I have been working on for about two weeks. Its a really neat project to create a local art exhibit in a retirment village so they do not have to look at crap art. The directore and the VIP both said very complimentary things about me, something I hve not heard from our director since the new mamngemnt. As a virgo fire dragon, I like to please and for my work to get noticed. That seldom happens here. I feel like the cinderella shoved under the carpet here so often, that whe something like that happnes I like to note it.

I like to give descriptive names to people and yesterday the girl chasing after Ryan that I cant get rid of I call Gerber baby slut, becuase she looks like someone who modled for Gerber and grew up slutty made a re appearance yesterday and i am pleased to report I felt fine. She told Ryan she had injered herself and needed help with the baby at the docs. It wouldnt suprise me if she was the type to hit her ancle with a hammer and then call crying for help. She sen me some brownies like I would eat anything she sent. No calories for me Gerber baby slut! Oooo I feel like I am getting my voice back. I have been muffled for to long trying to keep my inner diologue inn and that makes for a boring girl. Im going for a walk and conemplate my new voice of freedom.
flight of the turkey hat

(no subject)

OMG, tonight I threw this impromtu party with William,
Blake, Nae, Ryan, Ryans sister Natalie, and her bff Becca and it was so wild. Maybe not by somes def of wild but we read poetry, danced, sang kareoke and had a genaerally good time tonihgt. It was old fashioned fun. Laughs, music. I think I actually dominated her friend who is used to leading in the dance, and I quote liked it. I think givien the right circumstanc eI would enjoy being a dom as much as I enjoy being innocent. My pervy old friend says I have both instincts in me.

Ryans sister looks just like the mother of dragons,Calisi, from that HBO show. This girl is so hot she should never allowed to be able to wear clothes! Its stupid how hot they both are. I put on my coctail dress for Atlanta for thenm to see and Natalie, Ryans hot sisiter commented on how my naked body was whem I was geeting dressed and honeslty I couldnt understand it at all. Maybe I am just a cryptonite for all things altman. This girl is secret organization hollywood hot. Maybe hope isnt lost for me yet. I did dance with her tonight and ofrce her and her friend (who is a dom) to follow my lead on Cry to me and Sam cooks Bring it on home to me songs. I feel that will be etched in them forever becuase of the music. I also danced with NAtalie to Im on Fire, one of me and Ryans favoriete songs.

I think its just perfectly naughty!

Do you remebr my dead friend Anthony. HE always used to call me Daisy.I took that as such a complememt. Its the little things in like that one remembers sometimes. I have had a letter from my pen pal to read it. Shge is amazing.
flight of the turkey hat

(no subject)

We did make it to the covered bridge Sat. It was really beautiful. We came upon it and it was just there, like driving down the road and all of a sudden you come upon Stonehenge. It had a strong smell of oil in the heat. Like the whole bridge had been wiped down with liniment and wood oil.

Yesterday I devoted much of the day to laundry which has been out of control since William and Blake moved in. Today Nae arrives on the train from New Orleans. Nae is Williams best friend. She is a real sweetheart. She always cries when she sees me or has to go home. I actually like doing laundry but there is a clog in the line somewhere so when it drains you have to be there to stop it and let it drain. IT only takes a min or two but its tricky.

Oh and yesterday morning I watched the whole season of a netflix show called Stranger Things. It was so good! kind of a throwback to the 1980s stephen king movies. Wynona Rider was in it and the sheriff was really sexy.

I dread work as always. Ryan has a special evening planned so at least that will give me something to look past work. THis week is payday so I look forward to picking out some bills to pay and ordering some of my favorite coffee. Im almost done with a freelance job also so I hope things will turn around a bit. IT will also pay for Atlanta, sociaty of american archvist. There is 88 people signed up so far for my panel. I got to work on that thi sweek.
flight of the turkey hat

Mental agreements, These Days

I went out for a walk at lunch today. They are doing some construction work around the library so I wound up walking around it/quazi through it. I had thoughts about who and what I am. I came up with a mid career professional approaching burn out struggling to loose 10 pounds before having to be on a panel at a national conference in my field, while struggling to pay bills. It seems like a cliche. Whats not a cliche is that I was going through a box of stuff from an old general store and found three movie posters from the early 1960s Lyric Theater. I had never seen a real movie poster from the 60s before. It was half way hand painted and a print. High school confidential, Bombers 55 with Natalie wood. The tag line was great. I will post a pic tomorrow.

Later in the day I decided to scan some post cards from 1907 and 1908. They were very smutty, suggestive, salacious even. One of my patrons sons is the seinor conservetor at like the national galory or national archives. She is very sophisticated and glamourous even in mid 70s. We spent some time looking at this particualr post card collection and had a discussion about them. They are so suggestive, like before the moral police got after post cards and there was more freedom. One thing Frances pointed out was that they surely had mental agreements with each other. I love mental agreements. Life, love, friendships, partnerships, understandings, all happen under mental agreements that we sometimes do not even know we are making. I like to be aware of them and I think conflict in interpersonal relationships happen when there is a breech of the mental agreement or lack of one.

These post cards are so great. Imagine the fun they could have with them in 1900, the freedom of hidden messages. All they had to do was get to the mail before your parents. These cards would have been to someone in new market. I can imagine a box at the end of a long dirt lane. ITs so in keeping with with waiting for the mail and the excitment it can bring when you have something to look forward to in it other than bad news and bills. I have a pen pal. We write almost every other day or so. I will look at all the mail and shove it back in. William, Ryan's nephew likes to order from amazon and as he rarley leaves the property enjoys waiting and watching for the mail.

I wrote Ryan a letter and formally invited him to drive a little over an hour with me to see a covered bridge in the morning. I hope we wake up and actually do it. I used to enjoy me and Mikes sat morning drives. Those were fun times. I feel like I need to find myself again before being beaten down by years of change and financial ruin. Do you ever ask yourself how you keep managing it. I even thought about the silent contemplation of live journal. I miss it. I think the voyer in my misses public posts. I was focrced to lock things down and in doing so somehow lost it, what ever it is. I had it and it is slipping and I want it back. I want my edge back.

As I walked along the road today I decided to take it all in and try to look around and remember something to write down, an observation about surroundings or thoughts or thoughts.

Mostly I just walked along and heard Nico playing in my mind.

Spring Green

(no subject)

Dearest Friends and Confidants,

I am going to have to make things friends only for a while for safety and security reasons. Please send me a friend request for the time being. I don't want to be out of communication with any of you, even if you read it privately because you enjoy my humor and creativity. Just get a free LJ. You don't have to really use it. This live journal continues to be my voice in a gagged world and I dont want to be without any of my beloved confidants.

I love you all,

Susanna
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