One of my nice bosses at work asked me genuinely how I was doing. I cried a little bit and it felt good. I told her I think we both had broken wings when out world collided. He wrote a poem about it called "falling bird" that I would like to have one of his brothers illustrate. Something I wanted him to do since I read it. I love illuminated poetry as they used to call it. Anyway, I think I had one broken wing where he had two. In the poem he did call himself "standing bird" and I was "falling bird." I had never properly grieved mother and he gave me a safe place to grieve and heal before his second wing broke totally and mine healed. I could have carried us if I had known what the load had been. I guess it goes back to my origional post about him that we need to be honest with each other to help shoulder life's burdens. I am reminded of the lyrics to pearl jam's song "black." But don't have time right now to hunt it up.
I haven't let myself slow down enough to write about my feelings and be quiet maybe since the first lj announcement about Ryan. I have just kept moving. Putting one foot in front of the other.
I wish I didn't have to go to work. My heart feels so exposed today. I just want to keep sitting on this park bench and enjoy the birds song, the light breeze and morning sunshine.