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Is anybody out there still?

A lot has happened inmy life lately. I got furloughed from the Passport Agency. It was a good run and the people were nice, and I got a security clearance, but the work was boring and the days long. I have gotten a new job working as a stroke rehabilitation partner. I make twice the pay and work 10 hours less. I've never made so much money and I get to make a difference in someones life. Its not easy but its not hard for me with my natural skillset and temperament. Im getting to help her reclaim her body, and I am al about reclaiming ones self and body.

I have of recently reclaimed my own body and lost 40 pounds. Im now trying to maintain and slowly move forward with temperance. So with my first pay check I paid off my car, J. Jill and Banana Republic. Then I went and bought a pair of 85 dollars crotchless hose from Wolford. They go on over your head. I got home and they had a run in them so I called and they are going to let me take then back. I owed money to MQ, my partner so showed up with it in waist band. It was a triumphant moment for me. So I'm officially debt free. Who would have seen that coming!
B&W in Profile

(no subject)

Its been a long time since I posted an entry. I want to feel like I used to when I posted regularly. After everything got so messed up I almost couldnt stand to think about LJ, or my paper journal, and most of my need to write was fullfilled through actual correspondance with a pen pal.

Maybe since the snow and the holidays are upon us again I feel more creative and slightly on the edge of depression. I just miss my folks, I miss my home, but I am enjoying this home very much. I just get homesick a little. I miss my friends.

Boston is great though. It looks like I will be starting a new job soon which will be nice. The library fucked with my head so bad I havent wanted a job. The time with Mike Q has been and continues to be wonderful. We had a lovely Thanksgiving and went to go see gypsy jazz music at a place in Cambridge and had a really nice meal. On Sat we went to one of my favorite italian places in the North End called Quatro. They are really good and have a pizza bar next to big open flame rotisseries.

Sunday we went and purchased a tree that I had spied at the Cambridge Antiques market. Its one of those old ceramic trees with the little colored lights. The weekend was peaceful, even with mike practicing his mandoline for hours at a time. Its nice, I dont mind it and sometimes I will put head phones on and watch netflix and pass happy hours together.

Its snowing now hard enough to see it in the dark, or at least street lights.
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I had a very nice day. Its so fun to be able to do what ever you want to do and throw a few clthes around. My new man is really organized so its nice to be a little relaxed with things.

I went today and bought am old true crime magazine for men in the 1950s. Its pretty crazy. I think it would be outlawed in today times. It even had crime scene photos in it, not that I want to see things like that its just wild. I also got a few records.

FOr my birthday Mike Q got me a gift cirfitciate to a yoga studio. The room is heated to make you sweat.

I think I am going to order the Pussycat Dolls workout videos.
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So Mike is gone on a trip for the next two weeks and I am footlose and fancy free in the big city. It feels weird. I have been fighting a bad kidney infection for the last month or so and have felt so tired and sluggish. I also gained a few pounds. I got checked out while I was home and got some antibiotics and turns out my thyroid levels were elevated. I have been taking something for it this week and have finished the antibiotcs and I am feeling much better. I hope my energy levels bounce back up. Im already feeling much better.

I have been listening to this daily podcast and today was about showing up in your own life. I feel like I have been slacking when I was sick and it was an extended time. So I am going to try to do different things and not be afraid to get out. One thing I want to do is limit my netfixing. While I was sick I watched a lot.
Mindhunter, Harlots, In the Dark (real good), Unbelivable, Homicide Hunter, and Forensic Files. I feel like it just goes on and on. Dark Crystal (though the bird characters voices were a bit much). I wonder what would happen if I didnt watch any tv this weekend, or at least until bed. What might I get accomplished.

Tonight I took a walk around the block after grabbing dinner in chinatown. There was a pop up art gallery. I got to talk to a beautiful drag queen who was just there looking at the art like I was. I didnt really like the art very much but the company was interesting and pleasant.
B&W in Profile

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The weather is feeling like fall here. I was surprised when I stepped outside and felt the cool strong breeze. I have have let a kidney inefection go on for to long and get out of hand. Within a day a on taking antibiotics my back hurt less.

THings are going good at my new job. Well, its a temp to perm job. I have interviewed witht he Boston passport agency and have started goign through the security clearance process. I live with a forigner and have some debt history from all my bad decisions but nothing now in collections.

Ryans big day was on the 21st.Im so pissed at him and myself for going astray. Him from sanity into sex and drugs, and me from my sanity and God. God has been so good to me and I am starting see ways that he always makes a way miriaculously when I have really needed it. I didnt even think about Ryan  till I saw it on FB. In the past I would have gotten drunk and talked to his picture or wrote in my leather bound journal words of a crying pathetic drunk. Im fucking done with that shit. William and I both, and our whole little family are doing well and Ry would like that. I am proud of us and we are going to live the lives we were meant to live. The tv cut on in the middle of night. Its never done that before. MQ says I probably didnt turn it allt he way off but it was weird that it turned on like that on that partivular day of the whole year.

The past weeks with MQ have been so peaceful and nice. We play lots of music. He bought me the new talor swift album to trat me to something I wanted, He is so thoughtful like that. Its a really nice album. I dont know how I feel about it in comparison to the others yet. I really really liked Red, 1987, and Reputation.
we went to see last weekend once upon a time in Holywood. I liked it but its not a movie to watch if you dont have 3 hours to sit and enjoy some vibes and good looking guys. I wish things had of actually turned out like that in real life for Sharon tate.

We finished Stranger Things. When I watched it the first time Ryan was running around crazy on drugs cheeting on me and doing lord knows what. I watched it unhappily wondering what was going on with him and wondering why I had to watch it alone, not having a damn clue what was happening. This time around I was in the arms of my wonderful lover in a beautiful spotlessly clean downtown Boston loft being treated like a queen chaos free. Chaos free!!!! I hope becuase I wrote that the devil doesnt come and try and wreck it and take it from me. Its been so lovely to live quietly. Go to work, have dinner with a glass of wine at a table, an hour of music, an hour of a show, and bed. This weekend he is taking me away for a long weekend since its his birthday and labor day. We are going to Kennybunk Maine. I am goign to try and see Tonya there, my ukranian sister.

The orange line had a fire last friday and I had to uber home. I have been taking a free shuttle to work but it was overloaded becuase of the fire so I ubered home. I hate the train in hte mornings. There is usually over crowding and your on it like a cattle car and there is usually a crazy smelly person being loud. I told one of them to be queit and I was feeling crazy enough to throw my weight into a fight and I think he saw I was feeling kamikaze and backed off and sat there quiet and subdued. People were really shocked. SOmetimes that how I feel after my horrible life the past years now that I am quiet and chaos free. Please God just let it last.

B&W in Profile

One time at band camp...

Camp doesnt offically start till today at noon but we arrived yesterday. I am glad becuase we got to meet some of the other campers in a relaxed environment and the jam session was relaxed and made me feel less nervous. My voice blends really well and I was even able to play alng to a few of the tunes and experiment and no one notices wrong notes.

We explored the camp some yesterday and its so super cute. I think its a catholic summer camp. Its called Camp Marymount.

MQ is enjoying himself. This was his idea to go to blue grass camp. He wants to improve his mandolin playing. The guitar track was a ll filled up which is just as well really. I took the singing tract. The teachers alllook really good.

YEsterday I explored the grounds. There are actual cabins like I remmber. It reminded me of going to girl scount and bible camps. I would always get so homesick at camp. I still have the turtle sheets I took and the scarf mother gave me of hers so I could smell something of hers when I was homesick. I havent jpurnaled in so long becuase it just got runied by life and shit and more shit and more shit, but one thing is still absolutley the same about my heart is its so homesick for my parents and grandparents. The food here is so good its like real home cooking. I miss them so much all the time. You think it would dissipate over time but it just deepns and settles like dust undisturbed to a wind blows it back up. Many of these songs remind me of them. They have played most of the songs that were played at funerals, like will the curcle be unbroken, Ill fly away and just old tunes. Ive learned some new to that touched my heart already.

Im starting to feel more like myself these days. Like me before all the ill fated decisons and time. I wouldnt be the world wise person I am today without it though so I cant let myself fall into that thinking.

Even my faith has seen a come-up-ance lately. Not that it ever went anywhere but its like getting to see Gods promises come to fruition.

My heart just feels vibrant and alive today like this lily pond on the back side of the camp.

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I am at camp in Nashville. Its late and I am very tired and pecking away on my phone with my finger. I want to journal this week. Its a full on schedual. Its light out!

B&W in Profile

The airport

The last time was at the airport was to begin a mega adventure. I want to lobdon for a week, from england to Cuba for 11 days and back to England. It was an amazing adventure. Ive been writing in a bound joyrnal and i lost it in Vinales while parting with some Belgiums and watching the world cup. They pickd it up for ne and sent it to me. I jokrd that it had a whole other vacation than i did.

I cant remrmber my password for to type on my computer so im pecking this out with my index finger on my phone.

I ve been wanting to update here in favor ovrr my paper. At leadt on here there is a chance of interaction. That somebody might be on the other side.

So im in the same spot waiting on my dc flight. Got through security in 5 min. Huntsville has such a nice and beautiful airport. In washington going through customs took me 3 hours last time.

I hope i make some connections at SAA. It never really leads to a job but to give up SAA would be to give up a piece of me im not ready to give up. The profrssional organization with which i affiliate. I cant give in to the profesdional depression. When i do get a meaneal job as i suspect evenyually i will i want it to be something i can live with.im so worried about the house. Worried it will fall down around me. The roof neefs work and has caused major damage. When i got home from being gone a nonth an intetior ceiling was covered in mold. Im paying my bills fibe, but there is barely enough for food much less roof and mold. And a portion of the lights shorted out. I can only hide in my room for so long. My roomate let Jasper out and i persume him dead. I miss him so much.

On the upside. I appear to find myself in a healthy adult relationship, im off carbs and that seems to be helping everything. Lets call my new love interedt MQ. He is so nice and responsible. I feel safe with him and enjoy his energy, positivity, and self awsrenrss. He wirks as a CEO of an archival software company and he wants to see me bad enough to fly me where ever he will be. Imagine that. Its so nice to fall adleep in someones arms and feel safe. So many nights i feel huddled up in my bed surrounded by silence wondeting if theres something i cant see near, something supernatural, and not the mold. Jasper made me feel like i wasnt the only living thing around and he kept the spooky feeling away.

I brought all my nice clothes hoping to put my best foit forward. Im used to yoga pants and jeggings. Buusness clothes almost seem forgein now. I hope i can worj it like i used to.
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So I have gate crashed the Applied Intelligent Information Management conference. I spent most of my time in the vendor area learning about the latest technolgies and trends. I think these things you learn the most from the products and the people that run them. I interviewed with MIT Lincoln lab today. I guess it went well. I did my best. It was an hour and was very conversational. They seemed to want somebody that is capable and would be nice to work with on a daily basis. They said they were finishing interviews and would get back to me next week.

Now all the vendors are stopping to ask me how the interview went. I dont have a badge and when they asked me where it was i told them "it clashed" like i was the gayest gay man and stunned them into not questioning me further. It was pretty funny. I fessed up to one and he told i was a bright spot in the whole thing.

I also got to meet the president of the con on the elevator.
I said hey you are the woman! And she said it wasnt as glamorous as it appeared.

Right now im just hungry and biding my time. My admirer is so thoughtful and kibd. He gave me the new chanel fragrence Gabrelle. I like it a lot. Its a nice light fragrance for spring. I enjoy his self awareness and how intentional he is. I like it that he is a hard nosed shrewd buisness man and he let me sit in on a real buisness meeting as an archivist end user. It was very cool. It is nice being in the company of someone who is stable and congruent in whi he is in work and provate life. I appriciate that the most after years of being drug through the mud.
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Ive been fortunant to travel a bit, last year orlando and england were the two big ones and me and williams epic car trip to massachusets to virginia beach and then back to alabama.

Tomorrow im going to a san antonio for a conference but also to see my admierer. Im so excited. He is an amazing individual who, in my opinon, is changing the way we comercially store data in long term digital preservation. Everything he does is thought out, intentional, and self aware. I appriciate those qualities and i need more of it in my life.

Ive been so busy with my clients and i got a new archival client today. If i continue doing this she would be a big damn deal for me.

I decided to apply to nothing but dream jobs and i heard back from two of them. Get this...MIT's Lincoln Labs!!!!! MIT!!!!! Im just happy to get the interview. The other would be wonderful also and i had the phone interview already which went great! They were great!the interview was fun and it just went really well. Thats at northeastern uni in boston. Yep folks, boston may be calling my name. Im not selling my house or anything like that, but i think it may be rime for me to swim in a larger pot for a while. Everything is up in the air but it is a real possibility.

My student is growing in leaps and bounds. He has matured along side me over the past year and a half.