Mike K and I had all the same academic training and we were careful with our creeds and work. Well he was probably much more so than myself. Becuase we lived in such a neverland where all our needs were provided for and the two of us did not create a mess other than junk store finds and dead plants, there was no serious house work, but when that derpession hit a couple weeks ago I got behind with laundry and upkeep and shit got real in the house. It took me all day to get the washing done Sunday. There is a problem with our drainage so if you dont keep a close eye on it water will come out the back and go under the lanolium. I sure wish I could get it fixed and cleaned. Im sure its a bio disaster but its not in my top prioroties on my catch up list.
So this morning when I woke up naturally at six I decided to throw everything in the dirty hampers in the wash for a super load of towels and clothes. I normally dont mix them but I am on a time schedual. I unloaded the dish washer and sat to journal while listening for the various cycles to pass. I like this. I remember how journaling like this put things into prerspective and out of my head. They used to call having to go home from work and take care of a family and cook and all that this second shift. I think I need to embrace an all shifts day. The other adults seem pretty well with second shift stuff but first shift is the set up and maybe if I can create enough set up others things will fall in place or atleast appear more manageable.
Yestersay was fine, even work. I have been tasked with some big projects one that I have been avoiding for years, the reorganization of the entire cataloging system. Its been a long time comming but I knew a change was gonna come. My special night with Ryan was not able to happen becuase of circumstance but when he did get home he jumped on the phone and that irritated me. He asked me if I was angry him because he felt like I was. I always need to step away from a situation and contemplate it before I say anything. This morning looking back on it I wish I would have simply said Who is so important that the last thirty min of awake time was spent was somebody else. I wanted that thirty min. But that feels confrontational to me and I cant take any form confrontation these days. My lodgers and I built a camp fire and it agitated me. There I said it and now its gone. I did suggest something of this in softer words so all in all I think I did get my point accross in vague girl suggestion. I never wanted to speak in vague girl suggestion talk, never wanted to make people have to figure out what or if I was saying something, but sometimes that is just the way it is.