I have an 8X10 photo of us framed on the buffet and sometimes William and I look at it to see how he is feeling today. Last night I felt sad. One of Mikes sisters is struggling with a husband who suffers from bi polar depression and I have to say that what she is going through sounds seriously like what it was like with Ryan in the last months. I have cried to his picture so many times saying "baby I just didnt know, I just didnt have the wisdom yet to know, or understand." He understands. Im sure of it, but it still feels good to say it to him.
Blake and William were in the boys room playing playstation and I had been catching up with the sisters but went was on my way to bed. I felt sad. It was also the fall festival at the school and we all went together. Me William, Trina and the boys. Im glad we were all together doing something fun rather than being sad.
As I walked past Ryan's photo I stopped to say goodnight and I swear he didnt want to be left out there with company so I scooped it up and we went to say good night to Blake and William. I flopped on the couch with them and we all three snuggled up together and with Ryan's picture. They agreed that he did not want to be left out with strangers and as weird as it sounds, it felt good for the four of us to be there together...late on a rainy night as the fall moves in. There was a chill in the air and it had rained for the first time in weeks.
