Noting my luck this post will totally be deleted by this app. Maybe I will try to copy and paste if need be, one of Ryan's brothers sent me a song and I listened to it enoguh to want to sing it to my computer which I did, I consider it a step in the right direction to get get drunk at sing at my computer. That's normal in my book.
In some ways I feel like this song speaks to me and Ryan. In my own private deviant way, which I have never truly hidden from this ljournal. Far more to Ryan I suppose since he is the one who had to go for real. My tolerance for pain is high, but I think things are going to turn around, I'm going to help william achieve his dream, maybe fulfil a dream of my own, live a little. I know the rules, and I know they don't really ever have applied in the past to me either, I just knew how to work the system to get around them. Look how far I've come, now that's guaranteed,
I think with all my heart that if Ry could have sheltered down it would have been with me, but he lived. He packed a lot in in 36 years. We packed a hell of a lot in the X amount of years we were together, I regret nothing.
Anyway I sang this cause one. Of his brothers felt like Ryan wanted me to hear it. I hear it baby, and I get it.
i guess i should add that before life beat it out of me i used to like to sing to my comupter... and record poetry. it came back tonight.
you know i think there is a bit of un-understandable in all of us. maybe thats where our uniqueness, our magic comes from. the little deviant in us all.