I have been trying to write in here for weeks but when I sit down to do so I don't really have the soul for it. I want to record my memories though of Cinco de Mayo last year. My renters took us out for the night and we had the best time. It was a beautiful night. Other than washing my bedclothes and laundry, all I have been capable of tonight is drinking and listening to sad Leonard Cohen songs: Treaty in particular. On the Level, leaving the table. They are all so damn amazing. I think I am a sick shattered broken person, despite all that times drags us on and time is a healer of even a soul, made mincedmeat, such as mine will experience some healing, if only sexual healing. I did have a beautiful 22 year old G.I. steal a kiss from me and looked at me like I was young and took my breath away. I think Ryan would be glad I was venturing out. I think he is sorry for the ghost he made me be. I am trying to stay alive, and doing pretty well on the whole. I keep up withmy boxing and am very happy when I am there. My student made an A and his parents are very proud. I am working with his mother on her general organization, laugh about that if you must but I do have to say that I am rather very good at ferreting out things that are holding people back. I picked up another job to organize a large Jewish history co lectionaries quite possible the Jewish history collection from the library to uah. I always figured one day I would be reunited with the collection. I just didn't realize that it would be so soon.