October 17th, 2016

B&W in Profile

(no subject)

We had library in service today and I felt near hysterical inside crying sigh lenty in my chAir. I'm not sure, maybe all the people who terrorize me all in one room is just to much. I've been light headed. I think I almost had a panic attack, never had one until the other day when the light headed ness happened before a meeting. I almost ran out of the building but I called aaron and he talked to me about it. Just thinking about it makes my legs tingle. I wish I were tougher in this line.

I don't know if there is something wrong with me but I cannot speak to the three people I need to speak at work to advocate for myself and not be bullied. I never had a problem standing up to bullies but these bullies make me loose my voice entirely. I literally can't speak or won't speak. It's debilitating.

On the other hand, I service got out early and I went and spent the gift card Kim gave me on the new Leonard Cohen album and it's awesome! I also got a sublime album to feel close to Ry Ry. It was a hard day. I went and got Lucas and he and me rode bikes while william rolled along of his skate board. It was super fun. It felt like being carefree. Then I put put on the new records I got and separated out my albums, that was fun, especially with the doors and windows open and fans on. Aired the house out.

And now bed.