August 6th, 2019

B&W in Profile

One time at band camp...

Camp doesnt offically start till today at noon but we arrived yesterday. I am glad becuase we got to meet some of the other campers in a relaxed environment and the jam session was relaxed and made me feel less nervous. My voice blends really well and I was even able to play alng to a few of the tunes and experiment and no one notices wrong notes.

We explored the camp some yesterday and its so super cute. I think its a catholic summer camp. Its called Camp Marymount.

MQ is enjoying himself. This was his idea to go to blue grass camp. He wants to improve his mandolin playing. The guitar track was a ll filled up which is just as well really. I took the singing tract. The teachers alllook really good.

YEsterday I explored the grounds. There are actual cabins like I remmber. It reminded me of going to girl scount and bible camps. I would always get so homesick at camp. I still have the turtle sheets I took and the scarf mother gave me of hers so I could smell something of hers when I was homesick. I havent jpurnaled in so long becuase it just got runied by life and shit and more shit and more shit, but one thing is still absolutley the same about my heart is its so homesick for my parents and grandparents. The food here is so good its like real home cooking. I miss them so much all the time. You think it would dissipate over time but it just deepns and settles like dust undisturbed to a wind blows it back up. Many of these songs remind me of them. They have played most of the songs that were played at funerals, like will the curcle be unbroken, Ill fly away and just old tunes. Ive learned some new to that touched my heart already.

Im starting to feel more like myself these days. Like me before all the ill fated decisons and time. I wouldnt be the world wise person I am today without it though so I cant let myself fall into that thinking.

Even my faith has seen a come-up-ance lately. Not that it ever went anywhere but its like getting to see Gods promises come to fruition.

My heart just feels vibrant and alive today like this lily pond on the back side of the camp.